"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing"

And so my recent foray into "health nut" status has begun...

Prep Day 1 - 3 days and counting until the official start of my body DETOX.

I still have no idea why I'm doing this but I'm fully expectant of some sort of change as a result.
Whether it just scrapes my insides clean of the 30+ years of fried chicken gorging or just gets rid of the approximately 2 lbs of residuals I can almost visualize embedded into my large intestine walls, I'm ready.

Here were some (too peppy) words of advice that were sent in preparation of the detox:

Prepare, prepare, prepare — we can't stress this enough. The more prepared you are before your cleanse, the smoother your transition will be. This means: starting today, cut down on all those delicious indulgences we love to love…phase out the coffee, the sugar, the meat and the dairy, and add fresh fruit and veggies at every meal.
LISTEN UP! NO farewell-to-solid-foods-with-a-steak-and-martini dinner the night before you start. You will NOT be a happy camper by the end of Day One. And that's a promise. So start now!

Essentially this is how I translated this:

1. This isn't a 3 day detox! Add in the prep time and the post phase out time, and you're talking at least a week of no fried chicken.
2. NO COFFEE???? hrmm. does that mean coffee is a toxin? hrmm. i drink a toxin everyday?? do i care? trepidation about inevitable caffeine withdrawal headaches.....
3. There are so many exclamation points in this. these detox people are super peppy. it must be from having such squeaky clean intestines. i wonder if that's how i'll turn out after this....

So here goes. I've already had cereal with granola + coffee. Not a fruit or veggie in sight. This bodes poorly for me. I guess I'll try again at lunch.

**********

2nd breakfast fared much better with a heaping dose of fruits.
But a lunch of ground beef wraps sorta nixed that....